I really miss being able to introduce myself. 'Hi!' I would chirp happily. 'My name is Clark, and I'm seven years old!' I was proud of being a big boy in second grade, and I was sure to make sure everyone knew it. My big sister, Leah, didn't seem as excited about being seventeen. She was in her last year of school, but it was starting to look like she would have to stay another year. Her grades weren't exactly great, and she was really struggling to catch up. I wanted so badly to help her, but what could I, her 'annoying' seven-year-old brother, do to help a high schooler? Her math homework looked like gibberish to me, and I wasn't allowed to read some of her science textbooks.
Then I found the genie lamp.
I saw the shiny metal in the bushes one day when I was playing with my friend Steven. I thought it looked cool, red and black being one of my favorite color combos. He dared me to rub the lamp like Aladdin did, but neither of us expected an actual genie to pop out! He ended up offering us one wish each, which would be granted at the same time.
"Okay," Steven started, "I wish to always be the sharpest one in the room!" He was always dressed really well, something he took a lot of pride in. Even as we were playing outside, he was wearing a green polo shirt and tan khaki shorts.
The grey-skinned genie looked like he was thinking, then he seemed to figure out how to grant the wish. "And what about you, little master?" he asked, turning to me.
I thought about it for a few seconds, then thought of Leah. "I wish I could help my big sister graduate. I don't care how; I just want to be able to help in some way!"
The genie looked thoughtful again, then smiled to himself. Suddenly he looked kind of creepy... "Interesting wishes, to say the least. Very well, both your wishes have been granted!" Steven and I cheered, and gave each other a high five. "However," the genie interrupted us, "as I always say..." He snapped his fingers, and the world suddenly went dark. "...Be careful what you wish for," his voice echoed in my mind.
I never saw Steven again.
'Oof, what happened?' I thought to myself as I woke up. 'Did I really find a genie? Well, at least I made a good wish. Leah will be so proud of me!' I tried to sit up in the darkness to stretch my arms out, when I realized I couldn't actually move. 'Okay, I've heard of this. Sleep paralysis, I think it was called? Oh well, I'm sure it'll go away soon.' I laid there in the dark for a few minutes, waiting for my body to start listening to me again. It didn't really feel like I was laying flat though; instead, I was leaning against something and bending in the... middle of my body? Wait a minute, why couldn't I feel my legs? Or my arms? In fact, I suddenly realized that absolutely nothing about my body felt right. I wasn't bending at the hips or knees, instead being bent in a curve somewhere below my middle where I shouldn't have been able to bend.
Plus, why was it so completely dark around me? Even in my room in the middle of the night during a power outage, there was always some small amount of light letting me see my hand in front of my face. This was pitch-black, as if I was stuck in a box in the middle of empty space. Speaking of empty space, I realized I wasn't even breathing! What was going on?! My body was completely different, I wasn't breathing, and I couldn't even see anything! What did that genie do to me?
While my panic was rising, I was suddenly jolted into motion. It felt almost like I was in a bag or something, and someone had just picked it up. I felt my body droop lower in my newly-discovered prison, now bent in a different place. With a bounce, I settled into a new spot in the mysterious container. I heard a faint muffled voice somewhere in the distance, then a new voice responded, louder than I was expecting. "I KNOW MOM, I'M LEAVING NOW!" the voice boomed from behind me, sounding annoyed that they had to do... whatever it was they were doing. My prison started lightly bouncing at a regular pace, almost like my prison was now attached to someone who just started walking. That voice sure sounded familiar...
'Wait, is that Leah's voice?' I thought to myself as my body constantly shifted outside of my control. 'If her voice is that loud and right behind me, does that mean this prison is her... backpack?' I slowly realized exactly where I was. I was paralyzed in an alien body, and I was trapped in my big sister's bookbag. How was I supposed to help my sister if I couldn't move? 'Maybe I was turned into something?' I thought. 'Maybe I can figure out what I am before she gets to school...'
I took on the challenge as a way to distract myself from the constant bouncing caused by Leah's walking. It didn't really feel like I had one single body, and I was instead split into a bunch of different pieces. All but one of them felt pretty similar, with that one different piece being WILDLY different from the others. Most of all, I felt flat. It was a weird thing to be sure of, but I certainly didn't have a head, chest or tummy anymore, and I figured out a while ago that I didn't seem to have arms or legs. With how I kept bending in weird places, I couldn't be anything very hard, so I wasn't a pencil or anything. I was leaning against something harder than me that felt like a book, and something else on my other side was bending along with me. Maybe that other thing was another one of whatever I was turned into?
With that, the clues dried up. I wasn't quite able to figure out what I had turned into, so I was left with the bouncing of my Leah's walking and the feeling of my body constantly rubbing against the two unseen objects I was sandwiched between. Upset I wasn't able to figure it out by myself, I just waited for my big sister to arrive at the high school.
Turns out, bouncing around in the darkness of your big sister's bookbag is pretty boring. I only started paying attention to what was going on when I started hearing muffled voices all around me. 'She must be at school now,' I thought to myself. 'Can I get out of here now?' The muffled voices were interrupted by Leah's booming voice as she apparently talked to her friends before school. It all sounded like boring girl stuff to me, so the sudden jolt of the bookbag being set somewhere made me pay attention again. My body slumped against the ground and the objects on either side of me as the ridiculously loud sound of a zipper being undone filled the ears I didn't think I had anymore. More and more light started being let into my prison, until the front of the bookbag fell open. Me and the object in front of me slid even further down, and the other thing finally slid part of the way off of my front.
It was still kind of dark, but I could finally see again! I looked up from my newly-exposed front side at the top of a large metal room. There was a giant book near me, being the harder object I had been trapped against. Suddenly, a gigantic human face appeared above me, looking down at me with the most uncaring eyes I had ever seen her with. 'Holy crud, Leah's HUGE!' I watched as my giant sister reached toward me, her hands disappearing at the sides of my vision. The textbook and other object were squeezed against me along with a few other things, and I was suddenly rocketing through the air. With a little bounce, the object I still couldn't quite make out was slid over my front again, blocking out the light and leaving me in darkness. I felt the stack of books and papers I was now part of get tilted away from the ground, and what must have been a small part of Leah's arms squeezed lightly against my thinner sides. The loud metallic CLANG of the locker being slammed shut echoed through the hall. With that, the now-lighter bouncing of her walking returned as she headed to her first class.
I still wasn't totally sure what I was, but I knew I would probably find out soon. Anytime Leah greeted someone in the hallway, her voice made me and the rest of the stack clutched against her chest vibrate slightly, almost like she was trying to make noise through me as well. She was gonna have a perfectly normal school day, and I was along for the ride. I just wish I could see more...
With a light THUD, my stack was suddenly set down on a flat surface. The sound of high schoolers talking to each other filled the air, and I waited to be exposed to the light again. 'Come on Leah, at least let me know what I turned into!' I thought to my unseen, unhearing and uncaring big sister. I was getting really annoyed at being sandwiched between a textbook and something else, still not knowing what kind of object was blocking my vision. The class started, and I was forced to listen to a teacher talking about a bunch of things I didn't understand while I was stuck in darkness. Seriously, I was supposed to be in my second-grade class at the elementary school, not sitting in on my big sister's twelfth grade English class at the high school across town!
A lot of boring talking later, my stack was picked up again. More of my sister's walking later, I was set down on a different desk to listen in on another high school class too complicated for me to understand. Finally, I felt my sister's fingers grab the sides of the object on top of me and lift it away. I watched as the brown backing of a notebook was removed from my sight, before my sister's fingers came back for me! I was lifted away from the unseen textbook, and I could see out of the corner of my vision as the notebook was set on top of the textbook instead. 'Does that mean I'm a... notebook?' I thought as I was set on the desk next to the stack I was no longer part of.
Finally, I could see! I looked up at my gigantic sister, her bored face looming above me like the Moon blocking out the Sun. She grabbed a pencil and started tapping it against the desk next to me, clearly bored out of her mind as the teacher droned on about math stuff that she seemed to understand about as well as I did. Leah's hand returned once again, and I was left pretty disturbed as she lifted me a bit and suddenly peeled my face away from the rest of my body.
My vision swung around with the piece of me that was separated from the bulk of my form, until my own light brown back was slammed against my face, leaving me in the dark AGAIN. 'Just when I thought I could get a break...' I thought, annoyed at being forced into the darkness once again. At the same time though, I finally knew for sure what I was turned into. I kept bending in weird places in Leah's bookbag because I was made of paper. The feeling of being in pieces came from having pages with a spiral metal 'spine' holding them together. Just how many pieces was I split into? How big was the notebook I was turned into? What color was my cover? Having the answer to what I was only opened even more questions. My... pages... were packed tightly enough that I couldn't tell how many there were. 'Gee, I have pages and a cover now... Please, at least tell me I'm not pink or something...'
My train of thought was interrupted by a weird scratching feeling on my inside. Every time the scratchy foreign object slid across my unwanted paper surface, I felt like something was being left behind. I might not have been able to see what was happening, but I could tell Leah was writing in me! A pencil was being dragged across the surface of one of my pages, leaving behind markings that would stay there unless my sister decided to erase them. What would THAT feel like, having a piece of rubber rubbed against me to remove those pencil markings? I also realized that I couldn't really tell what she was writing in me, my vision apparently being locked to my front cover.
Then I realized what my wish had been: To help Leah improve her grades so she could graduate. Was I really just a notebook for her to write notes in to study later? Was that all I meant to the world now? I sat in the darkness for a while, my 'face' still smashed against my own back cover, trying to think of a single good thing about the new life I found myself in. After a while, I realized that the motions of the pencil didn't really feel like she was writing anything. Instead... 'LEAH! Stop doodling in me! I'm supposed to help you do better, not distract you even more!' I might not have wanted to be a notebook, but if that's what I had to be, then I wanted to be used for what I wished for!
Then I heard Leah muttering under her breath, quiet enough that I was probably the only one who could hear her. "Huh... I think my doodling is helping me focus..." The constant scratching of the pencil on my first page almost made me miss what she said. How could doodling help someone focus? And why did it have to be done in ME?! Why did I have pages to doodle on to begin with? Plus, 'Would you please stop doodling and close me so I can see again?' I thought, knowing she couldn't hear me anyway and as such wouldn't do what I wanted her to do. I was under HER control, and I would be for... How long was I going to be like this? Won't Mom and Leah realize I'm missing? Was the genie THAT evil that he would create a missing person's case with no hope of being solved? And what happened to Steven? He made a wish too, so was he transformed as well? He wanted to be 'sharp', so what would he have been turned into?
The pencil stopped scratching against me, and I was suddenly lifted above the desk a bit. 'How long has Leah been drawing on me?' I wondered as my face was finally flipped back to the front, and I could finally see again. I found out a few seconds later as I was lifted again and stacked on top of the textbook, then left in darkness again as the other notebook was stacked on top of me again. 'Just when I thought I was done with this darkness business...' I thought, rather annoyed at my sister for denying me my vision over and over again. My stack was lifted from the desk again, and Leah started walking to her next class with me and her other books clutched against her chest.
This cycle continued throughout the day as I was carried around to all of Leah's classes, only being allowed my vision for a few seconds at a time as she kept doodling in me to help herself focus. She had moved on to the back of my first page by the end of the day, and I had heard some of her classmates telling her how pretty her drawings were. One of her teachers even told her to keep doodling, saying that she had never seen Leah so attentive in class before.
As I was stuffed into Leah's backpack after the last bell, I was lost in my own thoughts. Was this really my life now? Was I really nothing but my big sister's doodling notebook, to be drawn in to help her focus until she filled all of my pages with pencil markings? I was supposed to be getting on the bus right now to head home with Steven to play Minecraft after school, not hitching a ride in my big sister's backpack as she walked home while sandwiched between a textbook and another notebook! Why did I ever pick up that stupid lamp? I wanted to be a growing boy again, not a collection of paper pages and a metal spine!
Much bouncing caused by Leah's walking later, I felt the backpack that served as my prison be chucked somewhere, landing on the floor as my body bent uncomfortably. A slam of a door later, I realized I had been thrown into the front closet, and I would be left in the dark until Leah got to school again tomorrow. Why should she care if I was sick of the dark? I wasn't her little brother anymore; I was just a notebook in her backpack, where I belonged. A depressing thought, but I figured I should start trying to get used to all this...
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It's the end of my owner's school year now. Not big sister, owner. I decided that about a week after I became a notebook, once I realized that I wasn't hearing anyone in the house worrying about me being missing. Turns out, I never existed in this reality. Leah was an only child, and the little boy whose name I no longer remember was never born. I can only assume my friend was never born either, not that I can remember much about him anymore. It seems like my pages contain my memories, and a few of them have been painfully ripped out over time. Seeing myself in a mirror anytime I happen to be set next to one used to be depressing, but now I almost find myself feeling a bit of pride seeing my increasingly tattered-looking body. I've been used as a doodling notebook for nine months, and most of my remaining pages have been filled with whatever designs my owner makes while her ADHD-riddled mind tries to focus on her classes.
I've been left in constant darkness for months; ever since my front cover fell off, I haven't been able to see anything at all. I know it was a simple light pink piece of cardboard, but it was what I saw out of! My silent sobbing lasted for a couple weeks after it happened; not that anyone else could hear it, nor would anyone ever hear me again. At the very least, Leah's grades improved a lot after I became her notebook, and she's well on her way to graduation. But... then what?
I might be fine with my new life as a totally blind notebook, but I'm afraid of what happens to me after the school year ends. I've come to love the feeling of my owner's doodling on my pages, and there's a certain level of pride knowing that my 112 remaining pages are mostly filled with her drawings. What happens to me afterward? Will she ever draw in me again, or will I be put in a box for the foreseeable future to be pulled out years from now so Leah can look at the mindless doodling she did in her senior year of high school? Will I be kept at all, or will I just be thrown in the garbage? I'm not in very good condition, and I have doubts that even the supposedly pretty designs contained within my pages are worth keeping when I'm as tattered as I am. Maybe my metal spine, bent out of shape over time, will be pulled out of me and my pages and back cover will be thrown in the recycling bin. Then what happens to me? Will I feel all of the pages, or will I be confined to one page, or just the back cover, or what? And once my paper body is made into something else, will I be the whole new thing, or will I just be a small part of it, staying with the bits that used to be me?
I don't know what my future looks like, and that terrifies me to no end. For now, there's still a few days of my owner's school year left for her to doodle in the leftover space on my remaining pages. I guess I should just enjoy the time I have left, and not worry about my future as a used, tattered notebook. It's not like I'll be able to see any of it anyway...
Leah's old, tattered, formerly 120-page college-ruled doodling notebook, signing out.
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