Butt of the Joke

 

A Regressed Society: Celtic Tranquility

 

Twisted Wishes: Anonymous Alcohol

  It was a perfectly normal summer day when the young man found the lamp.  22-year-old Justice was trying to gather enough loose change for another case of beer to satiate his addiction.  His family had kicked him out of their house after his alcoholism got him fired from yet another job, and he was staying with a friend who was growing tired of the free-loader.  The friend had told Justice that if he wanted more beer, he would have to buy it himself.  This is what led the young man's dark-skinned hand to brush against the shiny black metal of the Arabian lamp hidden in the bushes.

Justice was definitely NOT expecting to be presented with the grey-skinned genie he suddenly found floating before him.  Not being the greatest judge of character, he was ecstatic when the obviously sinister genie offered him a wish.  He knew exactly what he wanted.

First of all, he wanted more beer, and easier access to it.  Second, he wanted a new family.  His mother was fine, but he saw his father as an overly strict killjoy who wanted nothing more than to deprive his son of the fun-giving beverage Justice loved so much.  And that little brother of his... Niall was a hyperactive little 7-year-old who Justice thought was the most annoying little prick in existence.  Always screaming around in the morning while Justice recovered from his daily hangover and making his headache worse.

Obviously, the young adult's biases drowned out the truth.  His mother had been his enabler, always going against her husband's wish to help Justice get over his addiction.  And Niall was just a little boy being a little boy, wishing he could be closer to his big brother who kept pushing him away.

With that, Justice made his wishes, ignoring the fact that the genie had only offered him one.  He wished for more beer, then asked for a new family, adding in a request for punishment against his father and little brother.

The evil genie considered Justice's wishes.  Sure, he had only offered one wish, but it sounded like he could have a lot of fun with this guy and his unsuspecting family.  With a snap and a flash, the genie and African-American man disappeared.

Justice would wake up in his new bedroom, looking at himself and finding white skin in place of his old dark brown.  He was now part of a mixed-race family, having taken a lot more after his new Caucasian father.  Now named Justin to reflect his new race, he found his new family to be a lot more accepting of his addiction, his mother no longer held back by the husband that no longer existed.  He was even an only child, his annoying little brother having been taken out of the picture.  In fact, it was as if Niall and their old father had never existed in the first place.

Heading out with his new family to a party at the park, the new Justin reached into the fridge to pull out a few beers to add to the cooler.  Included in his packing was a perfectly unassuming can of Bud Light, no different from any other if not for the two unfortunate souls contained within.  Unbeknownst to Justin, his old father Beau and little brother Niall hadn't simply ceased existing.

Niall and Beau regained consciousness in frigid darkness.  Immediately the 7-year-old Niall started panicking, with his father trying his best to comfort him while Beau himself had no clue what was going on.  Neither could move a muscle, and they didn't feel like they had muscles to move.  The boy complained about a weird bubbling feeling, while the adult felt a fizzy liquid inside him.  They couldn't deduce what had happened, since they were trapped in pitch darkness.  The father-son duo simply sat motionless until something happened, trying to talk about anything other than their current situation to keep each other company.

They spent several days in darkness, only being interrupted by dim light a few times a day.  Finally, Beau was bathed in light after an unholy tearing noise made his surroundings fall away like a wall being felled.  Before he could make any sense of what was going on, a gigantic light-skinned hand reached down and wrapped itself around his body.  He rocketed into the air, Niall crying out as he felt his body turning in on itself.  Beau felt the liquid inside him slosh around, and he realized that the liquid and his son were one and the same.  They hadn't just been teleported; they had been transformed.  But what exactly were they?

That question would answered quite quickly, as the duo was carelessly dropped into an even colder container than the fridge they had just been taken out of.  While Niall complained about the sudden impact jostling his formless body around, Beau looked around at the ice cubes and cans of beer around him, realizing that he probably wasn't any different.  More cans were dropped into the ice-filled cooler, one landing on top of Beau before rolling off, resting in the ice next to him.  He was a blue Bud Light can, and Niall was the beer inside him.  No way could he tell his son what they had turned into.  The cooler's lid slammed down, leaving him in darkness once again.

They weren't left motionless, however.  The tell-tale jostling told him the cooler was being lifted, then he felt the impact of being det down somewhere.  A mighty roaring filled the air, muffled by the container they were trapped in, then the vibrations of a moving vehicle sent Niall into a constant state of being roiled around inside his father's flimsy metal body.

The vibrations came to a stop after a bumpy lead up, and the vehicle the cooler was in came to a stop.  Their prison was lifted once again, only to be set down seconds later.  Finally, the lid was lifted and Beau was bathed in light.  A hand reached down to grab a can of beer, luckily missing the transformed father and son.  That luck wasn't to last, as another hand wrapped around him and lifted him into the air.  Being able to see his captor at long last, Beau couldn't believe what he was seeing.

The young man may have been Caucasian, but he could identify the tell-tale facial features of his adult son anywhere.  Justice had been transformed as well, albeit getting infinitely luckier than Beau and Niall.  He apparently had a new name too, as the familiar sound of Beau's former wife called out to 'Justin' to throw her a beer as well.  The young man obliged, bending down to grab another can and tossing it haphazardly in his mother's direction and out of Beau's sight.  The transformed father watched as his former son grabbed a clear plastic cup from a stack on a nearby table.  Justin set it down right side up, setting Beau next to it.  He watched the giant hand reach above him, then felt it grab what felt like his nose.

With a sudden wrenching, the beer can's tab was pulled away from the top, forcing Beau's mouth to unseal and open.  The sound of the can being opened rang through the father's non-existent ears, and the sharp pain of the metal separating passed quickly.  Niall, on the other hand, could suddenly see through the hole above him, and screamed when he saw the young man's face looming overhead.

Justin's hand wrapped around Beau once again, lifting him over the cup and tipped him slightly to one side.  He felt as Niall's frothy, liquid body was poured slowly into the new receptacle, his son freaking out the whole time.  By now the boy had caught a glimpse of the can he was being poured out of, seeing the Bud Light logo printed across his dad's new form, so he now knew exactly what he had become.  His last drops flowed out of his father, his entire alcoholic form resting in the clear cup with a layer of white foam partially blocking his view.  The boy then watched the empty can that was once his father carelessly dropped to the ground.

Beau watched in horror as Justin's shoe was raised over him, then suddenly plummet to the ground.  With a sickening, painful crunch, his metal body crinkled into itself, his top bent in an unnatural feeling fashion.  Small holes formed at his new creases, leaving him a pathetic-looking crushed beer can in the middle of a park.  The shoe raised from his broken body, and his former son went on with the party, putting the can out of his mind.

Niall watched as the giant man's hand wrapped around the cup he was confined to, then felt as his body conformed to the now tipping container.  He saw the gargantuan head fill his vision, then the cup came to a stop.  It was tipped further, and the boy felt his body flowing into the awaiting mouth.  He flowed across the man's tongue, then began being pulled down his pitch-black throat with a deafening gulping sound.  Three swallows later, the cup was tipped away from the man's mouth, Niall's body now divided into two portions.  On the one hand, he could feel himself sloshing around in the plastic cup, his body slowly outgassing as his froth layer diminished.  On the other hand, his body was also mixed into the man's gastric acids inside his stomach, his body quickly warming up from the intense body heat.

It took about three minutes for the remaining beer to be ingested by Justin, Niall having finally heard his drinker's name after the second set of swallows.  His remaining portion travelled the same journey the rest of him had, joining the rest in the giant man's stomach.  He took what comfort he could in his body's warming while he began travelling through the digestive system, eventually collecting in the man's bladder having gone through a different kind of transformation.

It would be several days before Beau was finally found by a park cleaner.  His crushed body was picked up and thrown into a recycling bin with other crushed cans not unlike himself.  He would eventually be melted down in a recycling plant, his consciousness split across several new metal products.  Shortly afterward, he made the decision to let his shattered mind rest, and ceased trying to think altogether.

Niall made the final portion of his trip through the man's body the next day, exiting in a thin stream through the urethra before splashing into the toilet water below.  His liquid body cooled rapidly, mixing with the other liquid along with the portion of Justin's urine that didn't contain the boy's consciousness.  Niall watched as the man zipped up his pants and reached for the out of view button on top of the toilet.  His body and vision was pulled into a swirl, and he was flushed down the drain like the waste liquid he now was.

He had given up on screaming for help the day before, realizing it wasn't worth it anymore.  No one could hear him anyway.  Niall travelled through the sewage treatment plant, his body filtered of any contaminants, and was then shot out of a pipe into a large body of water.  Someday in the future he'll end up on the surface, where his body will evaporate to join the water cycle.  Split into so many different places, he too will choose to cease thinking, simply existing in his new forms.

At least Justin got his wish.